Thursday, September 15, 2005

Scissors of Mass Destruction

Don’t you love AAdvantage miles? They have been such a blessing to our family. Drew endures the nightmare of business travel and I get to fly for fun! In June Raytheon sent Drew to Chicago for a week, and I was invited to tag along. I totally know how to tag. I’ve traveled with this engineer on business before and I understand the drill. But regardless of where we fly, this is how the trip begins.
We leave the house the day before the plane departs. That gives us time to anticipate highway construction, traffic delays, and changes in the seasons. On the way, we listen to KRLD on the 8’s for the official traffic report, until we’re close enough to DFW to get the gate number from his Blackberry. In between, I get drilled on the contents of my carry on luggage and the exact location of my driver’s license.
“Do you have your valid photo ID?”
“Right here.”
“Tweezers?”
“No.”
“Nail file?”
“No.”
“TWO PAIRS OF SCISSORS?!”
He will never let me live it down. On the way to Lubbock last summer, Terran and I sat in the back of the Suburban and we trimmed wallet photos to be handed out at Matt & Kyla’s wedding reception. I stuck the scissors in the front of my bag when we were through. We came home, turned around the next day and flew to Florida for a job interview. I was a bit stressed. And it wasn’t until I saw the security guard call another security guard over to look at the x-ray of my bag that I remembered the two pairs of scissors. Drew was in the other line.
“Oh, I am so sorry.” I whispered. “It’s about the scissors, isn’t it? Just throw them away!” I could see Drew taking off his shoes and his belt out of the corner of my eye.
“Ma’am, you aren’t allowed to take lethal weapons on the aircraft.”
“I know, I know. I was just trimming photos with my daughter-in-law and…ha, would you believe we had 2 weddings a week apart?” I leaned in close and lowered my voice. “Just throw them away. Really. Hurry.”
“If you want to have them returned, you’ll have to fill out a form…”
Drew had retrieved his laptop and was putting his shoes and belt back on when he heard me scream, “For crying out loud, just throw them in the trash before my husband sees them! You don’t understand! I’ll be banned from all future air travel with him if he finds out I violated the No Fiskars policy!” They let me go on through, but I think DFW Security has me on a special list.
I’ve got the tag-along dress code down, too. No jewelry, no hair accessories, no zippers, no shoes, no bra. I wear a hospital gown and bobby socks to avoid any unnecessary delays in the wand department.
We hurry to the gate and wait for the American Airlines staff to arrive for work. Drew sweetly offers to go and get us coffee. In other words, I have to stay in my seat. I lost my coffee stand privileges several years ago when I wandered over to the Brighton kiosk and bought a purse. And the only reason I walked on down to the Fossil kiosk was to buy a watch with bigger numbers on it so I wouldn’t be late for take off. Since we are there long enough to each consume an entire pot of coffee, you’d think I would also have time to make a mad dash to the potty. Oh, you silly women! Why do you think I asked for a permanent catheter on our first anniversary?
I’m not sure flying anywhere is much of a vacation for Drew. I’ve heard his horror stories of delays on the tarmac, cancelled flights, lost luggage, rent car mix-ups and long lines to everything. I am amazed that in his 27 years of business travel, he has never been late for a flight. So last month when he informed me that he needed to take a week of vacation before the end of August or lose it, we looked at our options. The thought of just the two of us, hanging out here at the house with no schedule to meet sounded pretty enticing. It’s only Wednesday noon and we just returned from Home Depot for the 4th time.
I wonder why Home Depot doesn’t have a kiosk at DFW?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Shall We Dance?

Oh, let’s!
I’m serious.
And while we’re at it, could we just get over ourselves about this whole topic?
Last week I attended the funeral of an amazing woman. She was just 61 years old, but the stories and photographs of her life let you know three things: She loved the Lord, she loved her family, and she loved to dance. The scripture on the front of the program gave her hope as she faced the last days of her life, Psalm 30:11“You have turned my mourning into dancing…O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!”
I remember when our son Matt came home from a middle school dance. He was puzzled about something. One of his friends couldn’t go to the dance because their church said it was a sin. “How dumb is that?” he declared.
I knew this day was coming.
“Well, as a matter of fact, growing up I was pretty much told that if I danced, I’d get pregnant and go to hell.”
Matt’s mouth fell open. “I’m a goner.”
For me, explaining some of these church issues is kind of like explaining an eccentric old relative. Until they die, they’re going to show up every now and then. So we treat them with respect and try to understand why they are the way they are, without letting them control our lives. I went on to say how we wanted him to have a healthy view of dancing, and that there are appropriate songs, dances, clothes and behaviors that he and Scott would have to learn for themselves. “Just like we’ve tried to teach you about swimming.”
“SWIMMING? YOU MEAN SWIMMING IS A SIN, TOO?”
“I mean swimming isn’t a sin, either. It has to do with your attitude and behavior, and since those are things that usually involve boys and girls together; you just need to be aware.” I felt like saying, ‘Go get my teeth out of the jar and I’ll tell you how things were at church when I was growing up.’ By now Scott was in the room and I entertained them with tales of former forbidden activities. No dancing, no ‘mixed bathing’, no shorts, no card games, no praise teams, no kitchens in the church buildings, no church songs for piano recitals, no garage sales for missionaries, women couldn’t wear long pants to church, men had no business with a ponytail, no polka dots for girls or patent leather shoes for boys…
There was a long pause before Scott asked, “So what could you do with your church friends?”
“Oh, we did lots of things. Bowling, roller skating, miniature golf…did I mention bowling? Um, let’s see. Eating. We did lots and lots of eating. I think that’s pretty much it.”
“Didn’t you go to your prom?”
“My boyfriend and I went to the prom, but since we couldn’t dance, we left early and went parking.”
“What’s parking?”
“Forget I said that. Anyway, the important thing is that your dad and I want you to know that dancing was a big part of the way people in Bible times celebrated God’s goodness. I’m sure there were people who turned it into something ugly. And somewhere along the way, well meaning people decided it was better not do it all than to take a chance on it causing someone to think sinful thoughts…and then the tradition began to die. But that was man’s idea, not God’s. Maybe some day, I’ll dance at your wedding”, I said as I did my best interpretation of the twist. (Never mind that the only thing I can do is the Hokey Pokey.)
A few years ago I tested the RE waters about having dance lessons in the CLC. I discovered a few things:
Most of our kids dance.
Many of you have taken lessons and didn’t call me.
The biggest objection the elders at that time had was that their wives would make them go.
Psalm 149: 1-4 “Praise the Lord. Sing to the Lord a new song, His praise in the assembly of the saints…Let them praise His name with dancing…For the Lord takes delight in His people.”
So, here’s what I’m thinking. If you want to come, let me know by phone or e-mail. Once the date is set, I’ll send an invitation for you and one for your neighbors. Singles, couples, no age limit, just no children. At this point in our learning curve, they would probably get stepped on. We can have line dances for those of you who don’t want to touch anybody. And surely some of our kids can teach us to Two-step. I have one request. If you disapprove, it’s okay to tell me, but please don’t come and spoil the mood. After all, I am in the process of embracing my inner dancing queen and I don’t need the negativity.
The song leader at our church in Austin used to encourage us to sing by saying, “We’ll be singing in heaven for all eternity. We need to practice!” I’ve got news for you. There will be dancing in heaven, too. And we are way behind the Methodists!
Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 4 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,…”
Dress is casual. You can even wear polka dots and patent leather shoes.
It’s time to dance. I hope you’ll come.
I’m serious.

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