Have You Seen My Keys?

That's one of those questions I ask on a regular basis. I'm sure if I had a designated spot in the house for them, I would never be late again. And if I could find the perfect purse, it would also have a convenient key spot, which would eliminate the rest of the problems of my life.

After church Wednesday night, a lady misplaced her keys. She finally had to call a relative to come, and they found the keys in the trunk of her car.

Been there.
Done that.

And done that.

While we were waiting, the stories of lost keys were shared. My tale has become legendary in our family.

Lubbock, TX 1983 B.C. (Before Cellphones)

I'm not sure why I had to drive downtown to the courthouse, but I remember it involved standing in a long line with two year old Matt and two month old baby Scott. It wasn't until I was trying to put the stroller back in the trunk that I realized I couldn't find my keys.

They were not in the diaper bag, my purse, or the ignition. They were not on the pavement, in the grass or under the car. They were not at the counter or on the floor or...anywhere, as far as I could see. I decided I had laid them in the trunk when I got the stroller out and slammed it shut.

Both boys were hungry and fussy, and all 3 of us were ready for a nap. I hated to admit defeat, but I had to call Drew at work. He was in the middle of a very important meeting and it was obvious that he was frustrated. In his defense, it was not the first time he had to come and get me. I'm not sure why there was not a key in the magnetic holder under the bumper. I probably used it and forgot to put it back, but for my sake I'll say it was his fault.

"Can you bring me your key?" I asked politely.

"Not right now. I'm in the middle of a meeting." he said not very politely.

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" I asked sweetly.

"Where's the key I put under the bumper?" he asked not so sweetly.

Suffice it to say this went on for way too long until finally, I played the 'mother of your starving children' card and he said, "I'm on my way."

On our adventure Matt had spotted a blind gentleman at a candy counter just inside the door. I decided to get us a snack while we waited.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"I'll take some M&M's, please. By chance, have you seen a set of keys," I asked the blind man. I was just about to apologize for asking him if he had seen my keys, when he held them up and said, "You mean these? Someone found them in the grass."

I was simultaneously filled with delight and horror. Yea for the keys, but oh no, Drew's about to waste a trip. I ran to the pay phone to call off the rescue, but the secretary said Drew had left.

He was already mad. I didn't think it would exactly thrill him to have left his meeting and driven across town only to find that the trip had been inconvenient and unnecessary. So, I made an executive decision...

After going through the different scenarios and possible outcomes, I determined that it was in the best interest of our marriage for him to be celebrated as the hero he was. I went to the car, opened the trunk, threw the keys in and slammed it shut.

Oh, yes I did!

Then I prayed.

When Drew arrived, I lavished praise and thanksgiving upon him.
"You are my hero! Give dad a big hug, Matt! Thank you for coming to the rescue!"

I apologized profusely.
"I am so, so very sorry for messing up your presentation."
"I just said it was a family emergency." His tone was softening as he opened the trunk and handed me keys. "You have got to be more careful..."
"Truer words were never spoken!" I exclaimed.

As we drove away, I turned to his offspring in the back seat, "You must never speak of this to anyone...EVER."

And I didn't, until the summer all four of us were on our way to Austin and stopped at a Dairy Queen in...

Brownwood, TX StarDate 1987

We went in for a break, and came out to find that Drew...DREW... had left the keys in the ignition for the first time in his existence. We happened to be parked next to a DPS officer who popped the lock within seconds, at no charge and we were on our way.

You would think we would be on our way rejoicing, but Drew couldn't forgive himself. "I can't believe I did that!" "What if that officer hadn't been right there?" That was totally irresponsible of me!" "Where is the key that is supposed to be in the magnetic holder?"

Since I could tell this was about to take a nasty turn in my direction, I decided it was time to lighten things up a bit. "I have the funniest thing to tell you, and ha...I mean, you are just going to laugh out loud when I tell you this very funny story. Remember the time I locked my keys in the trunk of my car?"

"In Sherman?"

"No, not that time."

"At the retreat?"

"No. not...okay, do you remember bringing keys to the courthouse when the boys were babies?..." and I began to retell the story. It was all coming back to him until I got to the part where I found the keys at the candy counter. His puzzled expression changed to horror as I said, "and so I, ha...here's the funny part...put the keys in the trunk and slammed it shut! Can you believe how funny that is? Now? Several years later?"

I turned to the back seat for support and saw both boys with their little jaws dropped and their eyes bugged out. Drew looked at me like I was some crazy woman and said, "You did what?!"

As I told this story to the group in the church parking lot, I noticed something interesting. The women figured out what I was going to do and high-fived me when I got to the part where I slammed the trunk shut. The men had that oh-so familiar look that I saw on Drew's face.

Like I'm some kind of crazy woman! ha! Can you believe that?