Spoiler Alert! Colonoscopy Results:

How sweet of you to care.

A new friend from church had a colonoscopy Friday, so I shared this story with her.

Our daughter-in-law, Kyla is a marketing specialist for Caris Diagnostics. They specialize in testing pathology results for colonoscopies. She sent out an e-mail to her parents, Drew and me who were all arriving at the big 5-0 mark. She had seen the benefits of early detection and the devastation of getting bad results too late, and for the sake of our kids and future grand kids, we needed to get screened.

About that time, my friend Cindy from our neighborhood bible study asked us to pray for her husband because a mass was found on his colon. This man was our age and the picture of health. Drew and I knew he was in good shape because we waved to both of them every morning as they did their power walk, while we were sitting on our porch having coffee and sweet rolls. That got my attention. Cindy and I made appointments back to back (so to speak) a few weeks after his surgery.

When I told Kyla, she asked if she could go with me. "I've been to several procedures, but I'd like to see how the patient is treated from the time they make the first appointment...what kind of paperwork you have to fill out, how thoroughly they answer questions, what information you are given, things like that." She reassured me that I would not be aware of anything that was going on during the scope. "The doctor never really looks at the patient, he's watching the video monitor and the clock." I asked her if she wanted to come in with me, and we decided to see what this doctor had to say about it.

At the initial consultation she looked over the paperwork and made notes of what all I had to fill out. When we went in to meet the doctor, she introduced herself and explained why she was with me. He was an A&M graduate, and as it so happened, Kyla spoke fluent Aggie, so he gave the okay for her to be present. Too bad I didn't get him to give her a copy of the RX he gave me, because to really get the full benefit of the experience, she needed to drink the gallon of yuk like I did.

In the meantime, my sister sent me a temporary rhinestone tattoo to wear...you know where! Only, I wasn't sure which side I would be on, so I put it in my purse and decided to ask the nurse when I got there. My name was called and Kyla and I went back. I introduced her to Kyla and explained that she would be accompanying me. The nurse looked at me with the same expression that you probably had when you first realized what we were doing...together! "I'm sorry, ma'am, but we do not allow family members to go back." Not wanting to make a scene, Kyla said, "That's okay," and went back to the waiting area.

Not minding the making of a scene, I said, "But we okay'd it with the doctor."

"It's just not a good idea to have family members present (you crazy woman!)."

"Is it 'just not a good idea', or is it illegal? (the drugs are starting to kick in) Because it's not that I'm a pathetic wimp, I just thought it would be a bonding experience for us, and pretty much, I'm not going back there without her." They are about to wheel me down the hall.

"You'll have to sign a form."

"I'll sign it when she's here." So they call Kyla and she came running down the hall. I was flat on the gurney with a clipboard in the air, and Kyla said, "What are you signing?"

"It says you can go in with me if I can go into the delivery room with you."

Just before I went under, the anesthesiologist asked me if I had any questions.

"Where's my tattoo?"

"Excuse me?"

"My sister sent me a rhinestone tattoo to wear for you and I left it in my purse."

He looked at Kyla and looked back at me, while taking his index finger and making a circular motion next to his ear. "Would you like for me to go get your "tattoo"?

That's the last thing I remember.

I awoke with Kyla sitting next to the bed in the recovery ward. "If it makes you feel any better, you didn't have any gas."

"Thanks for saying that, even if it isn't true."

"No, seriously, it was really quiet out here. Most recovery rooms are a little..."

Just then a fun little nurse came in, "Did you really bring a tattoo?! That is so cute! We should give those out!"

I liked her spirit. "Here, take it. Surprise the next patient."

Our other daughter-in-law, Terran is a radiographer. Bless her heart, so far the only fun bonding activity we've been able to do together is shop. She'll have to wait five whole years for my next colonoscopy.

I hope.

p.s.Things were fine, by the way. I had my procedure last December. I've just always wanted to have a reason to say, 'Spoiler Alert'.

Same Song...

I wish I could remember the name of the song we sang that first Sunday here. Maybe it's just as well that I don't, because it represents all of them in a way.

Drew had visited the NW church in St. Petersburg a few times before I arrived. This was the first time we had attended together. The songs were all familiar CofC, but during one song, I remember thinking, ..."they're not doing it right". And I didn't quite care for the difference. Then we got to the chorus and they "didn't do it right" again...only this time, I liked it better than the way I had learned it.

It occurred to me that this was a metaphor for the church. We're singing the same song, with the same message, same purpose. One has a different arrangement, but it doesn't make it right or wrong...just different.

We have considered trying other Christian fellowships. Not because we don't like the NW church, but because we feel like it would be a unique time to experience something different. We don't know how long we'll be here...5 years, maybe. What could we learn and how could we grow by being open to new things? What would it be like to join a church where women can lead prayers or communion thoughts during an instrumental worship service without all the tension? How would it feel to serve with a group of Christians where so many traditions are unfamiliar? What if the preacher didn't go to ACU or Harding and we weren't able to put him in the right box? Amberly (in the Philippines) is probably reading this and saying, "I'll tell you what it's like!"

It's not like we're in another country, having to learn another language and culture. Deep in my heart I know that the church is so much bigger than anything I can imagine. But when it comes right down to stepping away from my church background, I'm not as bold as I thought I would be. There is something comfortable and familiar even about some things that I don't especially care for. Is that healthy?

Our neighbors across the street invited us to go to church with them. At one time, in another state they had 3 teenagers living at home. There was not a program for the young people at their Methodist church, but there was a great one at the local church of Christ. For about 5 or 6 years, they attended that church with their kids. When the last one graduated, they went back to the Methodist church. I love that about their story. Drew and I accepted their invitation.

The handout was packed with opportunities to serve and be served. It was such a sweet service. The acoustical guitar was unobtrusive, the drama was very well done, and the sermon (the minister took off his robe for our contemporary service)was like a massage for my soul.

Drew and I had time to debrief at lunch. I was ready to sign up until he reminded me that they baptized infants, we didn't have communion...oh yeah, that. Not that those were total deal breakers. We could have communion every day if we wanted to. Do you have to sign something saying you'll be very, very Methodist? I don't think I like being called a Methodist anyway. Can we just get a social membership?

The people at NW have gone out of their way to invite us to lunch, their bible classes, their LIFE groups. Sweet, sweet people. And very ethnically and economically diverse. We love that. And we'll probably place our membership there. Still a part of me wonders if we're missing out on an opportunity to see another side of grace and fellowship that would change us forever.

Same song...different arrangement.

A Few of My Not So Favorite Things

I am keeping a written list of things I like about Florida. I started it in the car as we were leaving Texas. It's in the back of the most helpful book I have read in a long time, After the Boxes Are Unpacked...Moving in and Moving On by Susan Miller. It's from Focus on the Family. A friend from my neighborhood Bible study gave it to me the day the movers came.

And, as much as I try not to, I keep a mental list of things I don't care for. I won't bore you with the negatives, except for this one and it has been driving me nuts since I first saw the sign back in April:

The Fifth/Third Bank

Can you believe it? What kind of name is that? (besides not a very good one) It became one of the talking points on my visitors tour. "To your right is the Home Shopping Network Outlet. On Tuesdays I get an extra 10% off because I'm over 50. I am so! Oh, go on! Well, I have been using Mary Kay products since my twenties and I think the extra fat in my face takes care of all those nasty wrinkles, but thank you for the compliment. On your left is my new favorite store, Home Goods. It is conveniently located on my Evacuation route. In case of a hurricane, I move from the china department to the linens. And straight ahead is the dumbest name for a bank EVER!" Then I wait for the shock and awe to descend upon the other passengers. It always does.

I have wanted to call. I have wanted to write. I have wanted to pull in and ask them what they were thinking when they chose that name for a bank? So, today I did. Call, that is. I got out the phone book and tried the first two listings. Disconnected. Probably going under because they have a stupid name...So, I looked for the one nearest us and said, "I'd like to speak to someone about opening an account." The following is a true story.

"Yes, ma'am. I can help you with that. What kind of account would you like to open?"

"Actually, I'm checking on the name of your bank."

"Did you say checking? What would be the starting balance?"

"$1,000. But first, would you please explain the name of your bank?"

"Certainly. We are originally out of Cincinnati, and now we are all over the Florida area. Did you also want a savings account?"

"Sure, whatever. I just recently moved to Florida, and when I saw your sign I was confused about the name. What does it mean?"

She turned to the teller next to her and said, "She wants me to explain the name of the bank. ahem, Well, there was a merger of 2 banks, and now we are the Fifth Third Bank."

"Which two banks?" (I have way too much time on my hands)

"She wants to know which 2 banks...The Third National, and what was the other one? The Fifth National Bank. We also have great rates for our money market accounts."

"So you are a regular bank?"

"Yes, we are."

By now she was afraid I was going to ask if she had Prince Albert in a can, so I politely ended with, "Do you think I would trust our hard earned money with a bank that has goobers running their marketing department?!" Well, that's what I was thinking, but what actually came out of my mouth was, "I'll check with my husband. Thank you."

I bet she went straight to the suggestion box and wrote down my comments! And I bet at the next board meeting, they'll say, "You know, that lady is right. It is a dumb name and we should change it right now." Then I bet they'll trace my name and send me a bonus!

I can't wait to see the new name up in lights:

"The Third/Fifth Bank"

Now, who should I call about redesigning the Florida state flag?

me & snooty

In July, our older son Matt came to spend a few days with us while his wife Kyla went on a girls trip with her mom and sister. We missed having Kyla, but had fun trying some new things in the area.

On the evening of the 4th, we picked Matt up from the airport and ate dinner at the Vinoy Resort. We timed it so we were able to go out and watch the fireworks display shot from the St. Petersburg pier in Tampa Bay. One day he and Drew went to Nasa. The missile launch they went to watch was postponed, but they rode in a simulator and saw an alligator on the tarmac, so the day was not a total loss.

We also found time to do sunset on the beach, Ft. DeSoto Park, and the highlight for both boys, Drew's office. (not because it is so well decorated, but because they have to have a pass to get in and he can't tell us what he does.) Drew is about to relocate to less than a mile from our house, so he hasn't put up anything on the walls. At that time, we will fly in our personal decorator Joan Swim to add a few berry garlands and bows to liven up the place.

Back to me & Snooty. Snooty is the poster child around here for manatees. He's the oldest living sea cow on record. And he's about the size of a Volkswagon. At 6:30 one morning, we got up and drove an hour and a half to Crystal River and had Captain John take us out in his pontoon boat to swim with the Snooty and his pals. It was the bravest thing I have ever done. Actually, putting on a wetsuit was the bravest thing, but getting in the river was pretty wild, too. (me & Snooty look about the same in our wetsuits.)

We had to watch a ten minute video on how to behave around them, where we could touch them and where we could not (don't tickle them under their arms, that's where they nurse their babies, don't splash and scream). We bought an underwater camera and headed out. Captain John motored over to an area and saw a mother and her baby, floating along the bottom, eating water grass. He turned off the engine and a creepy silence came over us as we leaned over the edge of the boat and I pretended to see what he was talking about.

Drew and Matt went in first, without making a sound or a splash. Then I carefully descended the ladder. I was very still and quiet until my feet actually touched the freezing water and there's not one of you girls who could have remained calm and quiet while ice water ran up your wetsuit and got in all your business! Matt thought it was hilarious. Captain John was not amused.

For the record, let me just say that 'Crystal' River implies clarity. The Emerald River would have been more descriptive. I put on my mask and all I could see was green and murky water. Matt pointed to my snorkle tube thing. That's the video I should have watched. I never really got the hang of it. Captain John suggested that we swim under this roped area to see a spring. What he didn't tell me until I was already there, was that at the bottom of it were several big mouth catfish. I have seen that episode on the fishing channel (I'm too lazy to fish!) and they are ugly and scarey, so when I turned to hurry back under the rope, I lost my snorkle. Captain John was not amused.

There was an extra snorkle on the boat that he let me borrow. But here's the deal. The river was just about 4-5 feet deep. I realized that when I put my head under water to float, my bottom popped up out of the water, and people had cameras! So, I chose to be a lady and tip-toe around the river looking for Snooty. That's when Matt tried to get my attention. "MOM!" he screamed/whispered, as he pointed to his snorkle. I waved and smiled. "No, thank you. This works better for me." "MOM!" again with the pointing. Again, I shook my head 'no'. "MOM! YOU'RE STEPPING ON THE MANATEES!" I screamed. I flailed. I splashed. But I swear I did not touch her armpits! Captain John was not amused.

All in all, we saw about 5 of them. It was a slow day, apparently. But if we come back in November the river will have about 400-500 of them. I said, "Wow! Then I could just tip-toe from one to the other without touching the bottom of the river!"

Captain John was not amused.

TIA

tia - Spanish for 'aunt'
TIA's - Tex-Mex restaurant that is out of business in Richardson, Plano and Tampa.
TIA - Tampa International Airport

I celebrate the Tampa airport!

From our house, it's just a 20-30 minute drive over the bay. There are 2 lanes in; red for Southwest and blue for American. There is a cell phone waiting lot that looks like a drive-in movie. You can pull into a space and watch the big 'score board' that tells the status of all incoming flights, and it has free WIFI. There I go again, talking all technical. You can also go to the covered short term parking area (first hour free, thank you very much) where the elevator will take you to the terminal. The top floor of the parking garage is an observation deck with a lovely view of Tampa Bay.

Once inside the terminal, there is a mini-mall, complete with several bistro tables, a food court and a nice lounge area so you can comfortably wait for your guests to arrive. You have to show your boarding pass to the security guard to get on the tram that transports you to your gate, but even over there you can chill at Chili's or grab a cup of Starbucks while you wait to board your plane.

Not only is it user friendly, but this weekend it brought Scott & Terran to us for a long (but not long enough) weekend. Friday, we went to the sponge docks in Tarpon Springs and ate at a Greek restaurant on the water. We ended the evening with sunset pics on the beach and a light meal at the Don Caesar. There are at least 2-3 weddings there on the weekends. The groomsmen are always grateful to be wearing white shirts and khaki pants instead of tuxedos.

Saturday we went to downtown St.Pete and Terran and I got to shop at White/Black. She looked adorable in everything she tried on, so I just made a photo op out of each outfit. We went to Sarasota and toured the John Ringling estate, St. Armand's Circle and sunset on Anna Maria island. I love that people get so excited about sunsets on the beach. You can see them getting out of their cars with cameras (or not), and sitting in silent reverence as God shows off a little.

We are still giddy over the news that Matt & Kyla are expecting a boy. Scott & Terran have 2 nieces from her sister that they adore. Scott lowered his voice and said, "I'm going to be a male uncle!" And since some of our favorite people started out as baby boys (!) we are thrilled!

This also gives me a chance to tell Terran "Happy Birthday!" Today she is 24. When we prayed for God to bring a Christian mate to each of our sons, we had no idea that He would do far more than we could ask or imagine. Terran is the perfect audience for Scott. She laughs, she listens, she supports him and loves him in countless ways. She is gracious and giving and we love her for being who she is, not just for what she brings to Scott's world. We are better people because we know her and we are honored to have her in our family. In about 4 months, she'll add to her McBryde titles 'aunt Terran'.

She's going to be a tia!

"They Took My Texas Driver's License Away!"

Poor Drew. Those were his first words after receiving his Florida license. "I feel like I've had my passport revoked and I can't go back to Texas." He still chokes up when he talks about it. I should have prepared him better.

It wasn't all bad. Because I called ahead and made an appointment, we walked right up to the window for service. It's a lovely facility, and except for the sign in between the front of my car and the pond beyond the parking lot that said, "Please Do Not Feed or Molest the Alligators", it was a positive experience.

Seriously. Who is going to molest an alligator? Maybe that explains why everyone was so calm in the DMV office. You give Imogene any lip, and she has the guards toss you into the pond. Just don't molest the gators while you're screaming to get out.

One of the unique things about Florida license plates is that there are so many choices. I have been studying them ahead of time so I won't be rushed into a decision under pressure. Drew is going to get the standard orange blossoms. (BORING!) I am torn between "Save the Sea Turtles" and "Hospice Care". The Hospice plate has a monarch butterfly, which I love of course, and the cause is close to my heart. But I have to say, the sea turtle would look great against my black car. I'm not sure how long I have to decide. Right now, I'm just not ready to make a committment.

What cause would you have on your license plate?

Florida Specialty License Plates Index
ENVIRONMENTAL
Animal Friend
Aquaculture
Conserve Wildlife
Discover Florida's Oceans
Everglades River of Grass
Fish Florida
Indian River Lagoon
Large Mouth Bass
Panther
Protect Florida Whales
Protect Our Reefs
Protect Wild Dolphins
Save Our Seas
Save the Manatee
Sea Turtle
Sportsmen's National Land Trust
State Wildflower
Tampa Bay Estuary

MISCELLANEOUS
A State of Vision
Agricultural Education
Agriculture
American Red Cross
Boy Scouts of America
Challenger
Choose Life
Donate Organs
End Breast Cancer
Family First
Family Values
Florida Arts
Florida Educational
Florida Golf Capital of the World
Florida Salutes Veterans
Florida Sheriff's Youth Ranch
Florida Special Olympic
Hospice: Everyday is a Gift
Imagine
Invest in Children
Keep Kids Drug Free
Kids Deserve Justice
Live the Dream
Motocycle Specialty
Parents Make A Difference
Police Athletic League
Police Benevolent Association
Salutes Firefighters
Share the Road
Stop Child Abuse
Stop Heart Disease
Support Homeownership For All
Support Soccer
U.S. Air Force
U.S. Army
U.S. Coast Guard
U.S. Marine Corps
U.S. Navy
U.S. Olympic
U.S. Paratroopers
United We Stand

PROFESSIONAL SPORTS
Florida Marlins (Baseball)
Florida Panthers (Hockey)
Jacksonville Jaguars (Football)
Miami Dolphins (Football)
Miami Heat (Basketball)
Orlando Magic (Basketball)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Football)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays (Baseball)
Tampa Bay Lightning (Hockey)

UNIVERSITIES
Barry University
Bethune-Cookman College
Clearwater Christian College
Eckerd College
Edward Waters College
Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University
Flagler College
Florida A & M University
Florida Atlantic University
Florida College
Florida Gulf Coast University
Florida Hospital College of Health Sciences
Florida Institute of Technology
Florida International University
Florida Memorial University
Florida Southern College
Florida State University
Jacksonville University
Lynn University
New College of Florida
Nova Southeastern University
Palm Beach Atlantic University
Ringling School of Art and Design
Rollins College
Saint Leo University
Saint Thomas University
Southeastern University
Stetson University
University of Central Florida
University of Florida
University of Miami
University of North Florida
University of South Florida
University of Tampa
University of West Florida
Warner Southern College


Another good thing about the Florida DMV experience...they process and hand your new license back to you in a matter of minutes. Just like Sam's! And I checked. It does allow you to get back into Texas.

Did You Hear That?

I thought someone had broken into the house.

Joan and I had been out shopping and got in around 9 p.m. Drew was flying in from D.C. later that night, so we were expecting to come in to a quiet empty house. As we were standing in the entry with our arms full of bags, we heard a door slam in the back of the house. Joan turned around and looked at me with wide eyes and I said, "Did you hear that?" She nodded her head. "Do you want to leave?" This time she answered from the front seat of the car with her purse clutched tightly in her hands. I was right behind her.

We drove to the security hut and told our story. "Wow." said the guard, without enough passion. "You must be really scared."
So I asked in my best damsel in distress accent, "Could you go in the house with me and be sure no one is in there?"
"No. But I'll send someone to drive around a few times."

Long story short, I called 911. And as calmly as I could, I explained that it was probably the wind, but we heard a noise that sounded like a door slamming in the back of the house. Because we are in an unincorporated part of Largo, they transferred me to the county sheriff's office. "We'll send someone right over."

We parked in the driveway across the street and waited, hoping the officer wouldn't turn on his lights or siren. Within minutes not one, but two cars pulled up. Seemed like it was overkill, but it beat the response of the security guard, so I got out and greeted them. They were extremely polite and reassured me that they would search the house inside and out. Joan and I giggled nervously as I got back in the car. "I can't believe they sent two cars!"
"Me either!"

Two minutes later...two more cars.

Two minutes later...another car with "Canine Unit" written on the side.

Neighbors trying to get home were making U-turns to avoid getting caught in the gunfire at the Texas Crack House.

Ten minutes later, the security guard tootled up in his golf cart. I lowered my window to assure him we were okay. "Hello! We're okay!" He didn't see us. I opened the car door so the light would come on. "Yoo-hooo! Over here! Don't worry! We're fine!" Again, no indication that he knew we were 30 feet away. Maybe he couldn't hear me over the Police Dog barking so loudly...or Joan laughing hysterically in the floorboard.

At this time I would like to express my deep gratitude to the entire Pinellas County Sheriff's Department for their quick response and their thorough investigation of our house and surrounding property. Their conclusion was that our back bedroom door was not completely shut when we left (it opens to the screened lanai, which was locked)and when we opened the front door, the wind caught and slammed it shut.

The "Going Beyond The Call of Duty Award" goes to the two officers who stayed in the driveway without us asking or knowing, until Drew got home. I think it was their way of saying, "Wow. You must be really scared."

Duck, Duck, Goose! Lizard! Alligator!

In, on and around our pond we have ducks, seagulls, turtles, a pink bird that is not a flamingo (or else he had a bad beak job), squirrels and several white birds that we have yet to identify. I have found great comfort in their presence because it reassured me that no responsible mother duck would lay her eggs in a pond that had alligators. (Survival tip: A young man on a plane told me that if I ever saw an alligator, I should run away in a zig zag pattern to confuse him and slow him down. I told him that was perfect, because I already run in a zig zag pattern.)

I'm almost used to all the little geckos that greet me every time I step outside...and sometimes inside. I've learned that if I stomp my feet before I open the door, they usually head for the bushes. Joan became an excellent stomper while she was here. One night I found a frog in the kitchen. I invited Drew to come get it, and when he reached down to pick it up, it hopped behind some boxes. "Rats," he said. I gave him the look and pointed in Joan's direction. She yelled from the other room, "What? Did you get it?" "Got it!" Drew lied. I smiled approvingly. "Good answer."

The ones that make us laugh are the Canadian geese. According to a neighbor, they migrated south for the winter about 7 or 8 years ago and never went back. (I hear that happens to a lot of Canadian people, too.) When we first saw them in our back yard, I yelled for Drew to grab some bread out of the pantry while I got the camera. He quietly held out a piece to see if he could get them to take it from his hand. Within a few minutes, not only were they eating out of his hand, they were nipping at his ankles to speed up the service and we were running for our lives!


Another neighbor came by one morning while Joan was upstairs putting on her make-up and said, "You do know that we have alligators in our ponds. Not to make you nervous (too late) but if there's not one there today, there was one yesterday or there will be one tomorrow because they move from pond to pond. The snake you don't have to worry about is the black racer. He's about 3 feet long and the good news is that he doesn't want anything to do with you, he's just looking for rats. (rats? I have rats?!) If you shuffle your feet when you walk in the grass, he'll go the other way." So, I zig zag for gators, stomp for lizards and shuffle for snakes and run from the geese ? What if I do the wrong thing? I still don't know all the steps to the Electric Slide.

Anyway, she just sat on my sofa and smiled the whole time she was telling me this and finally I screamed, "JOAN! I HAVE RATS AND BLACK SNAKES AND ALLIGATORS!" I guess she didn't know Joan was upstairs, because she backed out of the house and never came back. I was sort of hoping we could have lunch some day so she could teach me some more survival moves, but she left so quickly she forgot to leave her address or phone number.

rats.

The Florida Files

I'm home!

I have to practice saying that when I walk in the front door. Texas has been home my entire life. I'm not just in my Florida house...I'm home.

We have had the longest goodbye on record. On September 7th, 2006, Drew called to tell me that Raytheon needed him to relocate immediately. To California. We heard that 4 years ago. So this time we told only the kids. The timing and destination changed, but not the reality. We closed on our new home the end of May, sold our Texas house the end of July, and our furniture and other items arrived last week. If you are looking at a calendar, that means we have been in an empty house since June 4th. No internet and no TV. Edd Eason, it was the hardest Wilderness Trek EVER! Enough of that. We really managed amazingly well. God was sweet to give us time together without media distractions.

I have kept a written mini-journal of the adventure that I hope to post in bits and pieces. But for now, here are some pics of our new location.

We're home!

okay, wait...can somebody tell me how to post photos?!