I am keeping a written list of things I like about Florida. I started it in the car as we were leaving Texas. It's in the back of the most helpful book I have read in a long time, After the Boxes Are Unpacked...Moving in and Moving On by Susan Miller. It's from Focus on the Family. A friend from my neighborhood Bible study gave it to me the day the movers came.
And, as much as I try not to, I keep a mental list of things I don't care for. I won't bore you with the negatives, except for this one and it has been driving me nuts since I first saw the sign back in April:
The Fifth/Third Bank
Can you believe it? What kind of name is that? (besides not a very good one) It became one of the talking points on my visitors tour. "To your right is the Home Shopping Network Outlet. On Tuesdays I get an extra 10% off because I'm over 50. I am so! Oh, go on! Well, I have been using Mary Kay products since my twenties and I think the extra fat in my face takes care of all those nasty wrinkles, but thank you for the compliment. On your left is my new favorite store, Home Goods. It is conveniently located on my Evacuation route. In case of a hurricane, I move from the china department to the linens. And straight ahead is the dumbest name for a bank EVER!" Then I wait for the shock and awe to descend upon the other passengers. It always does.
I have wanted to call. I have wanted to write. I have wanted to pull in and ask them what they were thinking when they chose that name for a bank? So, today I did. Call, that is. I got out the phone book and tried the first two listings. Disconnected. Probably going under because they have a stupid name...So, I looked for the one nearest us and said, "I'd like to speak to someone about opening an account." The following is a true story.
"Yes, ma'am. I can help you with that. What kind of account would you like to open?"
"Actually, I'm checking on the name of your bank."
"Did you say checking? What would be the starting balance?"
"$1,000. But first, would you please explain the name of your bank?"
"Certainly. We are originally out of Cincinnati, and now we are all over the Florida area. Did you also want a savings account?"
"Sure, whatever. I just recently moved to Florida, and when I saw your sign I was confused about the name. What does it mean?"
She turned to the teller next to her and said, "She wants me to explain the name of the bank. ahem, Well, there was a merger of 2 banks, and now we are the Fifth Third Bank."
"Which two banks?" (I have way too much time on my hands)
"She wants to know which 2 banks...The Third National, and what was the other one? The Fifth National Bank. We also have great rates for our money market accounts."
"So you are a regular bank?"
"Yes, we are."
By now she was afraid I was going to ask if she had Prince Albert in a can, so I politely ended with, "Do you think I would trust our hard earned money with a bank that has goobers running their marketing department?!" Well, that's what I was thinking, but what actually came out of my mouth was, "I'll check with my husband. Thank you."
I bet she went straight to the suggestion box and wrote down my comments! And I bet at the next board meeting, they'll say, "You know, that lady is right. It is a dumb name and we should change it right now." Then I bet they'll trace my name and send me a bonus!
I can't wait to see the new name up in lights:
"The Third/Fifth Bank"
Now, who should I call about redesigning the Florida state flag?
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7 comments:
That is a bad name! Glad you got to the bottom of it!
I've seen one of those banks before and I certainly did think it was a confusing, nonsensical name. See what a little detective work will get you? And don't tell me that's the first time that employee has ever considered the strange name of the bank where he works. Surely not.
seriously. A group of adults were paid to come up with an idea and this was the best they could do? Thanks, girls!
I can not believe you went down there just to find out! That is hilarious! But, you are right - what a stupid name!
Carolyn, you are hysterical!! You need to write a letter to their marketing department & include your blog entry. I love your style!
Carolyn, You're too funny. :)
this name is even worse than "Decent Cleaners."
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