Spoiler Alert! Colonoscopy Results:

How sweet of you to care.

A new friend from church had a colonoscopy Friday, so I shared this story with her.

Our daughter-in-law, Kyla is a marketing specialist for Caris Diagnostics. They specialize in testing pathology results for colonoscopies. She sent out an e-mail to her parents, Drew and me who were all arriving at the big 5-0 mark. She had seen the benefits of early detection and the devastation of getting bad results too late, and for the sake of our kids and future grand kids, we needed to get screened.

About that time, my friend Cindy from our neighborhood bible study asked us to pray for her husband because a mass was found on his colon. This man was our age and the picture of health. Drew and I knew he was in good shape because we waved to both of them every morning as they did their power walk, while we were sitting on our porch having coffee and sweet rolls. That got my attention. Cindy and I made appointments back to back (so to speak) a few weeks after his surgery.

When I told Kyla, she asked if she could go with me. "I've been to several procedures, but I'd like to see how the patient is treated from the time they make the first appointment...what kind of paperwork you have to fill out, how thoroughly they answer questions, what information you are given, things like that." She reassured me that I would not be aware of anything that was going on during the scope. "The doctor never really looks at the patient, he's watching the video monitor and the clock." I asked her if she wanted to come in with me, and we decided to see what this doctor had to say about it.

At the initial consultation she looked over the paperwork and made notes of what all I had to fill out. When we went in to meet the doctor, she introduced herself and explained why she was with me. He was an A&M graduate, and as it so happened, Kyla spoke fluent Aggie, so he gave the okay for her to be present. Too bad I didn't get him to give her a copy of the RX he gave me, because to really get the full benefit of the experience, she needed to drink the gallon of yuk like I did.

In the meantime, my sister sent me a temporary rhinestone tattoo to wear...you know where! Only, I wasn't sure which side I would be on, so I put it in my purse and decided to ask the nurse when I got there. My name was called and Kyla and I went back. I introduced her to Kyla and explained that she would be accompanying me. The nurse looked at me with the same expression that you probably had when you first realized what we were doing...together! "I'm sorry, ma'am, but we do not allow family members to go back." Not wanting to make a scene, Kyla said, "That's okay," and went back to the waiting area.

Not minding the making of a scene, I said, "But we okay'd it with the doctor."

"It's just not a good idea to have family members present (you crazy woman!)."

"Is it 'just not a good idea', or is it illegal? (the drugs are starting to kick in) Because it's not that I'm a pathetic wimp, I just thought it would be a bonding experience for us, and pretty much, I'm not going back there without her." They are about to wheel me down the hall.

"You'll have to sign a form."

"I'll sign it when she's here." So they call Kyla and she came running down the hall. I was flat on the gurney with a clipboard in the air, and Kyla said, "What are you signing?"

"It says you can go in with me if I can go into the delivery room with you."

Just before I went under, the anesthesiologist asked me if I had any questions.

"Where's my tattoo?"

"Excuse me?"

"My sister sent me a rhinestone tattoo to wear for you and I left it in my purse."

He looked at Kyla and looked back at me, while taking his index finger and making a circular motion next to his ear. "Would you like for me to go get your "tattoo"?

That's the last thing I remember.

I awoke with Kyla sitting next to the bed in the recovery ward. "If it makes you feel any better, you didn't have any gas."

"Thanks for saying that, even if it isn't true."

"No, seriously, it was really quiet out here. Most recovery rooms are a little..."

Just then a fun little nurse came in, "Did you really bring a tattoo?! That is so cute! We should give those out!"

I liked her spirit. "Here, take it. Surprise the next patient."

Our other daughter-in-law, Terran is a radiographer. Bless her heart, so far the only fun bonding activity we've been able to do together is shop. She'll have to wait five whole years for my next colonoscopy.

I hope.

p.s.Things were fine, by the way. I had my procedure last December. I've just always wanted to have a reason to say, 'Spoiler Alert'.