Many Not So Happy Returns

I have a love/hate relationship with Target.

Love to shop there. Hate to return anything there.

On September 1st, 2005 we spent Labor Day cleaning out our garage.I know that because it was the day I walked out of the Allen store vowing never to shop at Target again.

I had tried to return an unopened, $100 Target brand, shelf unit without the receipt. I had bought it on sale, and it was still in stock and on sale. I wasn't expecting to get cash back. I knew the merchandise credit would be spent within the week so I didn't mind lugging the thing back to the store in the 100 degree heat.

Turns out, they had a new return policy and I could only return it for something in the same department. I knew it wasn't the employee's fault so I asked to speak to a manager. Then I asked to speak to her manager. I wanted someone to explain to me why they would not issue a store credit. I had them walk me around and show me the boundaries of the shelf department. There was nothing I needed on those 2 aisles and the whole thing made me mad, so I showed them and lugged my big heavy shelf home. In the 105 degree heat.

A month later I found the receipt and took it back; still heavy and in stock and on sale only to be told that my receipt had expired.

While I was waiting for the manager (!) I called my sister so I could complain out loud to someone and still be in earshot of Target Customer Service employees and guests. It would have been more effective if she had actually answered her phone, but fortunately my improv skills kicked in and I faked a very dramatic conversation with her.

"I'm at Target and I am so upset."

"Because I need to return a box of Target brand shelves and my receipt expired about 2 weeks ago."

"I've never heard of that either. No, they weren't used. I never even opened them."

"I asked them for that and they said I could only exchange it for something in the shelf department."

"I know! It is ridiculous."

"No, I paid cash."

"That's a good idea. There should be one of those forms around here somewhere. If not, I'll just write a letter to headquarters and copy it to my e-mail address list. Maybe if enough of us boycott Target, they will get realistic about their return policy."

"The Allen paper? I guess I could write them, too."

You get the idea.

Between the letter, the fake phone call and hormone replacement therapy I began to walk in forgiveness toward Target. It also helped for Joan to bring me back to my senses by reminding me that we did most of our 12 Days of Christmas shopping there every January when they marked things down 75-90% off.

So my boycott only applies to the Allen Target. I'm sure I was the topic of conversation at their shareholders meeting the following quarter. They miss me. I know they do.

Both of our kids registered for some of their wedding (and now baby) gifts at Target. They are stuck with many duplicate or wrong size items because the gift receipt was not enclosed.

Really, Target? That's how you treat your valued customers? Engaged couples and expectant parents who bring customers into your stores through your gift registry are then assumed to be shoplifters? Don't you have every bit of personal information on them in case you need to track them down? They get one return a year without a receipt and that sounds reasonable to you?

As frustrated as I am with Target, I want to give a shout out to Michael's and Bed, Bath & Beyond for issuing store credit without a retina scan and for taking competitor's coupons, expired or not. They know the majority of their coupon customers need readers to see the fine print, and welcome our business anyway.

I'm generating a list of the best and worse places to shop, return, exchange and use coupons. Make a note next time you have a good experience. But call me if you get messed around.

I'll give you my sister's fake phone number.